The day to day of living with stress

This morning on my own I took the 2 girls to a play centre. I sat right in front of the baby play area as both girls played happily. After a while I noticed lots of people left the gate open, so every time I stood up and shut it. A little while later both girls wanted to play on the trampoline right at the front so I took them up and said to Miss A watch L for a bit I'll be back soon. I went back to get my phone and a few minutes later saw Miss A back in the baby section but no L. That's when I got worried. I asked where she was and she said I don't know I left her. I was so angry and upset but Miss A didn't understand what she had done. It quite literally took me several minutes to find her. She wasn't responding to her name, I couldn't hear her crying and it was so busy. In the end I found her and took both girls home.

Looking around I see Mums doing work on ipads, chatting to their girlfriends and even reading a book. Not me. I can't even go to the toilet alone or grab my bag. My girls can't be left alone. Even while eating L got a bit wobbly and fell backward landing head first on the ground, and that was right in front of me.

It is so stressful being on alert all the time. Assessing the situation, watching for danger, being split into 2 or even 3 directions. Being a parent when your kids get to a certain age you can back off a bit and just observe but not me.

At school recently I was helping A on some equipment and L went on a mad dash through the school gates which are next to the road. Immediately I was off as were 2 other parents who saw it as well. Everyone was shocked by how far she got and her lack of worry about cars right in front of her.

Both my girls are runners and daredevils who like to try anything. L will often copy what A does and one or the other ends up hurt or crying. Due to their physical limitations they can even get hurt doing simple things that others don't see as a concern. L split her head open on the slide at school once as she slid out of control and didn't know what to do. That was with me right thereat the end too. Now I hold her hand just going down the slide.

Even at home it's not like I can sit and watch them play. The house is as safe as can be but they both surprise me. A has been caught drawing and writing on furniture and even in Mr J's room. L can trip over the step from inside to outside or even over the dog. She chokes on food and even water from her cup.

When Andrew comes home I will tell often I relax a little. I take a breath for the first time that day. I'm so tense that by then end of the day my shoulders feel like they're up around my ears and I often grit my teeth or end up with headaches. The stress of being on guard is the most exhausting and emotional thing I have live with.

 

Walked into a bookcase at school. Miss L is a slow healer due to Ehler-Danlos.

 

If Miss A can do it so can I.