Friday, April 5, 2013

A Year In Reflection

A question I have been asked by many of my friends is how I survived this last year.
A sick baby, a newly diagnosed Miss A, broken car, family battles, no money, no support.
Well looking back on it, it has been hard. Really, really hard. Yet we have come through and I can now see our way forward. Having everything happen at once was the hardest. One blow is enough let alone all of them coming at once.

Firstly I don't regret speaking to Mum at all. I wouldn't go back and change that for a second. I honestly believe it would have come out at one point or another. I couldn't control her actions but at least I was warned by my psych that it was likely to happen. I would rather not have a relationship with someone who can't believe or trust in me. Even if it came at a time when having family support could have changed the direction of our life.
If I had family around things could have turned out differently and maybe we could have asked for help. Who knows though if we would have received it or not.

So no I won't look back on that with regret and a year on has bought perspective. I miss my brother and seeing my extended family but that is all. I very rarely think about my Mum and would have no problems seeing her. She is the one that goes out of her way to avoid me. My kids stopped talking about them ages ago but still to this day ask to see my brother, their "uncle". He will be back in their lives one day, soon, I hope.

Miss L has come so far in a year that it's hard to think of those early days with a sick baby. She has gone from listless, not crying, barely rolling to an active, loving toddler. She signs, cries, plays and interacts. I look at her with awe every single day. I have many moments in a day when I think of how amazing she is.
Her progress makes me happy each and every day. As long as she is improving and healthy then I am happy.

For myself I have changed. I see things differently now and I react differently. Having 18 months of therapy taught me perspective. View a situation from all sides and don't react straight away. Don't let emotion cloud your judgement. Don't speak without thinking. All simple things we know how to do but have to train ourselves to do them. I have surrounded myself with an amazing group of women who are there for me. From looking after my girls, to listening to me complain and boast and most importantly respecting me. These women have shown me what true friendship is. Nothing is too hard or too much effort. There is always time to talk and to see each other. They keep me sane.

So if I look back on these past 12 months I can see how all of this negativity has been turned around. We are in a better place now as a family, a couple and as an individual. We have learnt many hard lessons and we know who to rely on. We know that whatever happens we can cope. It doesn't mean the hard times have ended....who knows what is around the corner. This is us after all.



2 comments:

  1. Life can be so tough. Im still going through something that I find so very difficult. Its been 8 long months now but the key is to stay on top of it all and continue enjoying life and getting fulfillment. Lessons are there to learn and usually our situations improve from that. Enjoy the now, thats all we can do xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Leigh, I follow your blog too.
      I hope you get to see the end of it soon.
      Living life in the moment ad enjoying it is what we are about now. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

      Delete