Meltdowns vs Tantrums

 Do you know the difference between a meltdown, a tantrum, and shutdown?

 

A meltdown is an outburst of rage and/or frustration caused by stress, for instance caused by sensory overload. This is the cultural term for the frequently mentioned tantrums of children with SPD and other co-existing conditions like Autism, although people of any age may have meltdowns. A meltdown is *not* a tantrum. A tantrum is intentional behavior for the purpose of manipulation. A meltdown, on the other hand, is the loss of self-control due to extreme stress.

 

Shutdown refers to the loss of abilities and often also introversion caused by stress and/or fatigue. A common cause is sensory overload, but it can also occur due to long-term factors such as being overworked or bullied. Outwardly, it would seem to be the opposite of a meltdown, although both are symptoms of the same thing...... from Sensory Planet.

 

Miss A suffers meltdowns due to her sensory processing disorder. She is a sensory seeker. She seeks out stimulation all day long. Give her noise, movement, sound, touch and she is happy. It takes a lot to make her happy. Loud noises, constant music and talking, tight hugs and constant touching. The side effect being when she is tired (which at the moment is often) she will reach her limit. It is sudden, unexpected and unplanned. There are no warning signs. If we are out she will drop to to the floor and flop her head forward. She will cry and moan in a low tone. She loses speech. Yes she cannot speak. She grunts and moans but can't say what is happening. I am lucky if she calls out Mum before she drops. She will then start lashing out and her arms and legs will thrash. This is when I drop everything, literally, bags and all and grab her. If I have Miss L in the pram I move her to the side and put the brake on and take Miss A.

As she is getting older her meltdowns are lasting longer and becoming more violent. I sit down and pull her onto my lap. I cross my arms over hers and then I cross my legs over hers. I put my head to the side of hers and we rock. I will, depending on her reaction, hum and sing. That helps her to focus on my voice and tune out everything else. At this stage do not come near us. Do not talk to me or Miss A. Please don't make a joke or a comment. Even me looking up to tell someone to leave can mean more screams from Miss A and more distraction.

 

We sing and hum and all my focus is on her. Miss L is safe in the pram, she can't walk away and my concentration is always on her, but my focus in on Miss A. Lately she has been thrashing more and more. I have bruises on my legs and head. She has cracked her head on my cheekbone while throwing her head around, which is instant pain. Anything to make herself feel better and calmer.

 

While this is going on I am upset. I am annoyed that she has to go through this. I feel embarrassed as peoples eyes watch you. Not that everyone is judging just that they stare and sometimes whisper as they walk past. The last 2 times have been so bad I have sat there and tried so hard not to cry.

 

The last couple of times it has been at least 30mins from start to finish. Last meltdown we were waiting to see the sleep specialist...I started singing "We're going on a bear hunt" which has been a favourite lately and it worked. She calmed down and joined in. I sing straight into her ear in a soft voice. She always has her head down not looking at anything or anyone. That meltdown was 30 minutes. I know because we had been there waiting for 30min and by the time we finished and I checked my watch it had been an hour.

 

Within minutes of calming down she will walk out of my arms and continue playing. She went and drew a picture and people wouldn't have seen what she looked like a few minutes earlier.

 

So remember when you are out if you see a Mum struggling with a child there may be more to it......

 

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