Struggling through

Today was one of those days that made me think I should write this down;
Woken at 2 and 4am by Miss A
Up at 7 and she doesn't want to get dressed
Doesn't want to eat toast so I bribe her with a babycino I make her
She doesn't want to leave for school and we struggle getting in the car
We get to school and she gets upset and cries when someone takes a puzzle piece
We leave school to drive to our daycare orientation
I get a drive through coffee and she cries because she wants a burger?
At daycare she plays well for an hour but cries when she needs to go to the toilet
We go to the shops to buy food for J's party
She cries in Target as she wanted a new dress up, I try to leave and he throws herself on the floor and cries
We have to pay for her new daycare clothes and that is it.
4 meltdowns from the beginning of the queue to leaving the store
People turn and whisper
People walk over and around us
I have L in the baby carrier so trying to lift or cuddle her is impossible
We walk on and I say we are going home-bam she hits the floor again
We go buy a muffin as I realise she hasn't eaten in a while and that affects her behaviour
We go to Woolworths and she hops in the trolley happily enough
We start picking things out when she starts demanding food
I decide this isn't going to work and finish halfway through
We get home and I send her to bed and toilet first
She fills the toilet with paper and some of J's school work :(
I put the lock handle on her door and tell her to sleep
She opens the door (childproof lock my ass) and wants to wake up after 10mins
We try again then she gets up again and this goes for a while
Skip to tonight and she takes my lip balm and puts it on herself- hands and face
She takes lollies out of the cupboard
She sneaks food into her room
She fights with her brother
Time for bed and she empties an entire roll of toilet paper into the bowl- again
Days like today make me stop and think.
I do a lot of deep breathing.
I rationalise.
She has no control. She is tired. She can't self regulate. She didn't ask for that and neither did I.
Tomorrow we start again.