How we become who we are....

After having a long discussion with someone the other night we came to realise how much our past is responsible for who we are today.
Some people follow along the same path as their parents even if it leads them into drugs and alcoholism as it is all they know....
Some people have a wonderful, stress free childhood and go on to be happy healthy adults.
Others, like me, choose early on who they want to be, to seperate themselves from their parents path.
I made my choices based on what I saw around me.
I clearly remember being a teenager and looking at my best friends parents and her relationship with her Mum and deciding that is what I wanted when I became a Mum.
When I was a kid around these friends I used to lie about my family and pretend when we were out late that they would be worried, pretend that I should call and say I was OK just because my friends were.....because that is what I thought they expected.
I wanted a family like theirs.
I decided that when I was older I would look for a life partner and commit for life. I would commit to them with these understandings:
That I don't believe in: this works for now, or I love you in this moment.
I wanted to pick someone who agreed with my values, who wanted the same aims in life and placed importance on the same things.


When I met my partner and we decided to have children it wa a true testament to making my way towards meeting my aims in life. We decided to start trying for a child while engaged as we both believed our commitment to each toher was more important than a ceremony. So when I became a Mum I was ready, but not ready for what came! I was tested...my son had silent reflux and for the first 8 months of his life I never slept for more than one hour in a row... He challenged the relationship I had with my partner and at this point we had only been together a year! Although we had happy moments with our son this was not the introduction to Motherhood I expected.
Once his reflux had settled and he stopped breastfeeding every 2 hours (day and night) I started to get some sleep and we settled into a routine. This was when I started to choose my path.
I made sure every morning I had a kiss and cuddle for him when he woke. We spent time playing together, though not all day, I will not say I'm the perfect Mum!
I made sure his Dad had time alone with him and we had family time.
I wanted him to know he was loved. Not just with words but with touch too.
I was acting out everything I had ever wanted.

I believe it has to be a conscious decision to step away from all you have known. To act differently. To not be the same person as your parents. To change how you treat people. As adults it seems to come naturally- we all hear those sayings come out of our mouths.. "If I see you do that one more time..." and we realise it is our parents speaking. We naturally go back to how we were treated. We survived right? We are still here?
Well I wanted to make sure that the decisions I made came from my values and not from how I was treated. You don't have to say you had a bad childhood to want to change it. You don't have say well my parents did that I'm going to. I believe in making decision that you feel comfortable in.
Break the cycle... leave the familiar behind and create your own path.

My beliefs....
To always say how you feel.
If someone has upset you they need to know. Don't stew on it, don't let it bug you and sour a relationship. Talk about it.
Let people know that your care about them.
Don't assume they know. So many people miss the chance when people die young or get ill unexpectedly. Don't leave it to the end.
Treat others as you want to be treated.
I have seen that if you reflect how you want to be treated you get treated the same.
Boundaries- for yourself.
Not everybody needs to know everything. (Even as blogger I don't share everything... ;) )
You don't have to hang onto old friendships just because...do they mean anything to you now? You have differing degrees of closeness with those around you. Some people will always be acquaintances.

Over time and talking to others and learning what has worked I believe I am still growing and changing and making a life that works...for me!