An open letter...

When growing up I didn't have a maternal, caring mother. For the emotional side of things I had to make do. As I got older and faced adolescence I started looking elsewhere. I had a fantastic Aunt who used to look after me most school holidays and talked to me. I saw how she treated her family and especially her daughter and that is what I wanted. She was the one to take me bra shopping, who drove me 3 hours with my cousin to go for a holiday at my Grandmas. She is the one, who unknowingly stepped into that role for me.

As I got older the relationship changed into more of an equal one. We met for coffee, she helped me out with the kids and we saw each other more.

When I spoke to my Mum in November and told her about my abuse we also talked about how she was as a Mum and how I would like more. We talked about a friendship like that where we could talk as adults and meet for coffee. Unfortunately she said this is who she was and she wouldn't change.

Over the next few months I was busy with family and didn't see my Aunt as much.

In March when my Mum finally came to the decision to cut me off I knew then that things would change. I knew she would speak to the family and tell them that I had been the one to do something wrong. As my therapist had already told me there is no way she can admit why we aren't talking so she will need to make sure they don't find out. What better way than to tell a bunch of lies so they don't want to talk to me? My Aunt and I were still talking for a while before it became clear that she felt caught in the middle. I told her that we could still see each other and not even bring it up. She was happy with that. Over the last month I have been texting and ringing her with no response...

Well today I got one. My uncle spoke to me on her behalf. Saying they supported my Mum and didn't want to see me. I asked why and they said it would feel awkward supporting her through this stressful time while still seeing me. I asked if he could tell me why she said we weren't talking. He said it was because I had been rude to her and said she was a bad parent etc.

At this point I was shaking feeling upset and also angry. I said I understand your position but that's not true. My Mum told me to leave and that she didn't believe me about the abuse. He was unsure what to say. I said I didn't want to put them in the middle and I can understand they have known my Mum a long time but if they won't talk to me at least they should know the truth.

Letting go of relationships is hard and I haven't given up on this one.

I just wish I had the chance to say my side, to tell the truth before they were fed a bunch of lies.